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0nceuponatime2

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yes.. this is what i think of you. [Jan. 20th, 2006|04:57 pm]
0nceuponatime2
[mood |blahblah]
[music |does your conscience count???]

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah 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blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
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(no subject) [Jan. 15th, 2006|05:07 pm]
0nceuponatime2
i dont even know where to start.
everything is so insane and beautiful.
my body is sore and my mind is racing among all of the thoughts that i have. there are millions of things i could have said, millions of things that i could have done, but none of those would have led me here.
isnt it ironic how things work out? how they all unfold into this giant web of life having thousands of possibilities and you are left with the simple task of choosing what thread you will hang onto next.
somehow it all boils down to who and what you are.we all have the capacity to revert back to our own selfish ways, but how can we ever find out our capacity for self-control if we never fight these urges?
and you never find out why things happen until after they are done. you may be in the biggest mess of your life and your whole plan for your future could be in shambles, but in my opinion, your just starting a new plan. you simply chose a different thread on the web. there are many ways to go about this, but somehow we all end up choosing the one that is right for us. so dont worry about a thing because once you get past all of the agonizing disappointments, it is then in which you become aware of the purpose of those sadnesses and realize how happy you now can be.


Chin up, world! There are brighter things ahead..

<3<3<3<3<3<3britny
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(no subject) [Jan. 8th, 2006|08:02 pm]
0nceuponatime2
god! i hate when boys use you for a while and then move on to different people. and i also hate when you start to miss people that you once had feelings for and you know for sure you dont like them, but its just the way he smiled, or the way that he hugged you like he meant it and its so hard to cope with things. i mean, i have spent my entire waking life the past few days trying to sabotage a girl that i hate when all the while i am just taking a knife and stabbing it into myself and twisting it. I dont know why i am such a selfish little bitch all the time. I hate myself right now and i especially hate that I cant have who I want.


Life sucks.
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wtf makes that so beautiful? [Jan. 8th, 2006|12:18 pm]
0nceuponatime2
i sat beside the window
it was sunny and radiant
a leaf fell right before me
in slow motion
and then i wept
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(no subject) [Jan. 6th, 2006|09:30 pm]
0nceuponatime2
do you ever have those days when your parents just dont understand?
like right now i have volleyball which takes up every single day, and i like to still ahve fun with friends which idont get to do that often, and i have sooo much homework from the teachers cramming the rest of the first semester work into the week before exams, and i also have tons of stuff to do around the house like my laundry and clean my room and everything. plus, i have no time to accomplish anything because i am always running late, or i have something more important to do. I cant even find time to eat, let alone spend time with my family. And then my parents have to go and acuse me of not caring one speck of how they feel because i never have time for them, and all i care about is getting rides here and there. Well the ride part is true because i need to get back and forth to volleyball, but i dont just use them for rides, theyre my parents!! gosh.. and plus.. i havent hardly gotten any sleep the past few days, and now i have to wake up at 5 o clock tomorrow, on a saturday and drive two hours to go play volleyball and then two horus back, and it all just sucks so much. I wish i could just spend like a half an hour each day with nothing for me to do but sit there, and its so ironic that just a few days ago i was complaining that all i ever did was sit and think about nothying. God, school has to ruin everything in yoru life.
I wish i could just give up, but sadly i am not that risky or troublesome and i would live to regret it for the rest of my life, so i am stuck in the monotonous routine of life as well as everyone else in my school, and although we are all parallel in our living, we are different in our lives. That is all i have to say..
Too busy to say more. I need rest. My body is exhausted.
'
???
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and I swear I get so lonesome I cant speak.. [Jan. 3rd, 2006|12:17 pm]
0nceuponatime2
[mood |sadsad/lonely]
[music |bright eyes]

When all you can do is think, and each time you see your friends, you hold yourself back just a little bit more, and youre reminded of how lonely you really are. The absence and empty spaces cant fill the void within you. The distance between you and the world is growing and you cant seem to regain all thats been lost. You feel more like a stranger with each familiar face which fails to bear a recognition of your existence.Where have I gone? Where am I now? I am crying and I dont know why. Maybe its that I do know why I am crying, but am too ashamed and stubborn to admit that I am my own problem. Why do I always get in my way? Its not you who divided me from reality, it is I who single-handedly secluded myself from the rest of the human existence in its entirety. And this isolation is enough to drive the most sane person on earth to the limits of insanity. The depression is building with every moment of silence captured in the second hand of a clock. Lost, and never to return again is time wasted in believing nothing thats real, and everything I wasnt meant to be. Why does it have to be like this??
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(no subject) [Dec. 30th, 2005|08:14 pm]
0nceuponatime2
I really want to do something for New Years Eve. If anyone doesnt mind me attending any "get-togethers" please let me know.


See you all next year!
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thanks to amy becky ashley and amanda w who all came to my house this morning.. i love you guys. [Dec. 29th, 2005|06:09 pm]
0nceuponatime2
[mood |draineddrained]
[music |senses fail]

Why do people always say one thing and then do the complete opposite? And why do they make empty promises without any intention to keep them? They just smile fakely and pretend that everything is okay but inside they really just want to explode with a thousand questions and comments that they are too afraid to say. Quit being so shy. It doesnt have to be like this where you cant say what you mean. If theres something on your mind I would rather you say it to my face than you lie to me and yourself when you tell me "its nothing" and shrug it off. That doesnt do anyone any good. It only causes more frustration and pain than there needs to be. And its not a big deal because everyone is hypocritical, I will not say that they arent because I know that everyone has more than one personality. There are just different people and circumstances which brings out different sides to each persons personality. But even though this occurs within each and every one of us, that doesnt mean we have to keep it in and hide it from everyone else. Embrace the true person you are and show it off to the rest of the world. If you are a heartless two faced bitch, who cares? So be it. But then again, you could be the gentlest nicest person out there and not even know how much you mean to those around you. There are some people who dont take time to express how they feel to the people they care about/ and or could care less about. I am destined to be the kind who is always jsut a little bit too late in letting that person know how I feel. I will probably always be that way. I cant help it. Its part of my true self. I never realize what Ive got until I am this close to losing it. I love life and pretty much everything about it, but I hate how I live. Why cant we just all take the risks that we want without any fear of rejection or humiliation or resentment? Its because we are so afraid that we cant even stand up to ourselves anymore. We dont have any courage left, and that is a sad fact. Once you have been beaten down by so many people, you cant take it any longer. And you start to put up walls and barriers. These walls are so hard to break down and I dont know if I can do it anymore. I dont know how. I am lost in a maze of brick and cement and its only closing me in the faster I search for a way out. There is no way out. We cant avoid it, the only thing we can do is to face ourselves and get through it, teeth clenched, and ready for anything. Dont with hold your inner self in the process, because in the end youre the only foolish one. I miss somebody very much right now but I am almost certain that this person is not even thinking about me at all. I dont know what I was thinking in keeping my thoughts inside my head, but I certainly have paid the price for it. And this is not the first time. I seem to be sensing a pattern. I hope the rest of my life is not like this because I dont know how I am ever going to get on with it, and tear down the walls. I am a weak person, and I am easily knocked off my feet. There has got to be some way in which I can help myself to recognize my problems before they arrive. And its not that I dont recognize them at all, its that I see them much too late, or that I just ignore them because I am living too much in the moment to care. I just wish I knew what was going to become of me; if this is even worth it. I need to feel some sort of comfort again; i need to be alive. Where do I find this kind of comfort and happiness? In others. I am dependent. And I really need someone to be there. And not just anyone. "Someone". They wont ever know how much it would mean to me for them to just be real and tell me the truth. I also miss some one who has been gone for a long time. I am sorry that I didnt see you on monday. I couldnt make it. But I miss you so much, and I had a dream about you last night and we were best friends like we always have been, and it was so horrible when I had to wake up. I just wish that there wasnt anything standing in the way of that happening again because I miss your old life.
So many things are missing and theyre just eating me away. And I wish I could get them back, but thats not a possibility. I guess Ill just have to suck it up, and move on. I dont know anything right now, but I guess telling you all about it isnt doing much for either of us is it? I know no one actually read this whole monster entry, but if you did, I really appreciate the time you took and it means a lot. Somebody comment so the next time I get on this thing, I dont have to stare at an empty email box. A call, or spontaneous drop by would be so much better. =/
I love everyone.
I love you.
I love you.
And you.

Sincerely,
Britny Sharon Locke
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There is no truth, there is only you and what you make the truth. [Dec. 24th, 2005|12:36 pm]
0nceuponatime2
[mood |disappointediwishyouwereeasiertoread...]

Why does everyone put so much value into Christmas presents? Its not the only thing that Christmas is meant for. I am not a religious person by any means, but even the fact that you can spend time with family you havent seen in so long and Eat good food and have a great time, is enough for me. I am sad that it has been warped into something completely different and all anyone thinks about is how they will somehow gather enough money to clear out the shelves in the stores just to make their family members happy.

Why have I all of a sudden became a saint?? Nevermind.

My apologies.
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Volleyball.. [Dec. 23rd, 2005|04:26 pm]
0nceuponatime2
[mood |accomplishedaccomplished]
[music |Mixture..]

Well i just got home from my first tournament. My teams second tournament, but of course i couldnt play the last one because i was on vacation. Anyways. We played so good. We rocked. We even beat west catholic and northview. I was so proud. No we didnt get any trophies to show for it, but we definitely outplayed most of the schools there. :)

I have an interesting story to tell about this morning. Well yesterday, I asked meghan's mom if she could give me a ride to the tournament in the morning, and she was like "sure just be to my house by 730." which was totally fine. And then this morning, I got up early and we went to Ravenna foods and picked up some stuff for the team, and then I arrived at meghan's house at 722. I walked in and no one was home. They left without me. I was so angry. There was no way that I could go because my mom had already left and I was alone in Meghan's house. Luckily, I found a cell phone number of Meghan's dad and called it. And he had to come all the way back and get me. Serves them right for leaving ten minutes early and leaving poor innocent people like me without a ride. But I almost had a heart attack.. I could have had to go to the hospital for cardiac arrest.. I could have sued. hahaha. It was my excitement for the day.

Tonight was supposed to be my family's Christmas with eachother and now my sister is going to be gone, so I dont know how that works. Its all my moms fault for letting her go to the Roller Fox over family christmas. This is a bunch of crap.

Becky got me wet.. Josh Rhines shut up. =D hahahaha Great.

Well I guess I will go take a shower now since no one is ever on anymore when I get on.

See ya later..
And have a great Christmas Eve Eve and Christmas Eve and Christmas Everybody!!

<3
Britny
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